feels like home

it happens all the time, doesnt it?

you’ve been planning this big vacation with the people you love the most and know you’ll have a blast with, you’ve wanted to go, you’ve daydreaming of going, you NEED to go, and then the day finally comes- you get there, you’re having a blast, and then suddenly you feel it…. that little twing that you feel you can never sucessfully get rid of.  you want home.  maybe its not an overwhelming feeling, but its there a little bit.  your bed, your couch, the familar smells, the automatic comfort you just now realize you take for granted.  its a little ironic really.  a little challenge for you: think of someone you know who you believe is really unhappy. got a face in your head? okay, now the second question: do they have a home? not just a house or a dwelling space, but a home? i find very few, if any, unhappy people in a home. i think this is because construction workers build houses, condos, apartment buildings and so on, but only a dweller can decide to build a home.  it is where i think we find a little bit of peace and a little bit of sanity.  its just been on my mind because im currently working on funding a downpayment on a house and have had several friends try to lure me into going in with them on an apt. or renting a house, but i think i will have to pass.  dont get me wrong, i think we would have great times, but apts have just never been able to make me feel like im home.  just food for thought.

 i watched a movie tonight that was rather dissapointing because everyone raved about how much they loved this movie and then  thought it was pretty bad.  dont you hate that? and my whole family seems to have no problem talking during movies or getting up and leave for 20 minutes and then want to know what happened when while they were gone.  hello? not okay.  watch the movie, or have respect for those who are watching it.  i know that sounds harsh but im just utterly baffled at how mindless people can be. plus im just easily annoyed, so i think eveyone just writes off my angst at this point.  anyhow, dont talk during movies. its rude. 

 i think tonight will be the last time i eat salmon.  i have that “im going to wake-up in the middle of the night and vomit” feeling going on, and im not enjoying it.  the last time i got food posioning it was from salmon and wow- that was…um, cleansing, for lack of a more graceful way to put it. 

im exhausted. i propbably worked physically harder today than i have in 8 months.  felt good, but my whole body hurt. im out.

music, politics, and other bits of life.

bare with this one. its lengthy, but i do make a point eventually.

the date is march 6th, 2008.  we recently had the texas primaries and will have the presidental election in november.  you cant turn on the news without seeing the faces of hillary, obama, and john mccain- none of which i personal care to see, much less for the next four years.  thing is, if you arent seeing them, its a school shooting, actor/actress O.D.ing themselves to death, or a bomb going off either home (times square thing happened today) or abroad (happens just about everyday).  the housing market is unstable and wall street is sweating bullets as bad as a school kid who didnt study for his final and now has the exam sitting in front of him.  kinda seems like complete madness. ever have those moments where you’re just thinking, “what the hell is going on?” gets me a little despressed.  like it or not we are slowly, but surely, crumpling right before our eyes. i started to have one of those moments today and then the perfect song came on.  i immediately relaxed a little. i am the most musically untalented person you have ever met- i cant read it, i cant sing it, i cant play it, but for all i lack in each of those areas i make up for in appreciation of it.  music is probably the most theraputic thing God put in my life (second only to running, which is usually coupled with music).  i can think back to times in my life when sometimes i felt like music was the only thing i could relate to.  it has helped pull me out of every single funk ive had.  dont get me wrong, i have wonderful friends who i could tell things to and were encouraging, but they couldnt always be by my side or in my presence when i needed them because-well, they had lives of their own and are often spread out all over the country. but when i was really low on cash, really low in spirits, and really needed something to call my own, i felt like i could call a song mine because it sang my soul that day.  that probably sounds really silly, but if music could be added as a 6th love language from God, i think it would definitely be my most primary.  it didnt have to be “christian” music, and honestly rarely is/ was, but it can heal my heart and make sanity out of chaos more than any other tool i know. so yeah… if you want to give me a really great present just send me good song suggestions…. its as good as a million christmas presents to me. 

i had a long and rather needed conversation with one of my best friends today which was completely political in nature which, in this case, is great because ive never seen eye-to-eye with someone as much as i do her.  we talked until we were blue in the face and felt we had adaquate logic to our approach (and couldnt understand the logic of other approaches). i reaffirmed my desire to get into politics because of my passion, and the wisdom to stay out of them because i would be angry all the time.  bottom line is the fact that i feel although i would love to ignore it and keep myself busy with other things, on a national scale all our arrows are pointed in a rather scary direction. i know its dangerous to talk politics (or religion) because it arrouses emotions and has strong potential to kill relationships, but i think we have sacrificed the things we stand for for the sake of being liked, not offeneding others, and just generally not pissing people off.  i actually didnt start this blog to write about politics, but i would just leave you with this thought-and i am saying this to myself even more so than i am speaking it to anyone else and that is this:  its better to stand for something and be hated for it than to go to your grave lurking in mediocricy.  im not saying go down guns a’blazing, im just saying have a backbone and stand for something- and stand for it tastefully and tactfully. 

in the motherhood.

in the motherhood- my new favorite show. its not even a tv show… its actually a web show. each episode is about five minutes long and has you in stitches by the end.  im not even a mom but i love it.  you should go check it out sometime. but anyways, reason i mention it is because one of the characters made a statement that i never thought about, but it reaffirms my thoughts on camping.

 (im paraphrasing here): “whats the big deal about camping?? i dont get it. we make all these technological advances to make life more comfortable and then to ‘get away from it all’ we spend a week to go make it hard on ourselves. its completely counter-intuitive…”

tuche my dear, tuche.