a normal day indeed.

hmmm…. i began this post back in march, and just decided to pick it back up.  the title and the “hmmmm” at the beginning were as far as i got.  but, today was a ‘normal’ day…. that is, as normal as it gets in my mind.  i really enjoy reading blogs.  i think i enjoy them because people are only halfway talking to me, but halfway just putting there thoughts out in public, much like i’m doing now.  i realized, much to my suprise, that i draw inspiration from people in this manner much as you would from someone for their fashion, taste in music, architecture, etc.  while i’ll only do this rarely, let me brag on someone for a minute.  i have a super talented friend named rachel who has the most uncanny ability to put her words and thoughts in raw form and let the chips fall where they may.  it is dangerous, adventuresome, honest, and completely real.  the cool thing though about rachel is she is a really gifted artist and designer, so she is often discussing those topics in her blogs and relating them to her perseptions and views, and has very little- if any- idea of how much of this second gift on journaling she posesses.  im sure i her mind its just a piece of therapy writing…. and on with her day she goes. 

i felt a little juxtaposed for a moment.  i feel as though i have always been ‘true to self’ so to speak in that i dont follow others or try to be someone im not, but instead as i continue to get older, i find so many bits of inspiration from various things and people im around.  it is fascinated and it is beautiful.  and right then i knew- that was just it. i am to be totally myself, but pick up pieces of wisdom and insight from others. people can be so, so cool if you give them a chance to be.  we need these differences in our lives to help us grow, expand, and push our comfort zones.  independance is nice but it is not supreme. interdependance is so much more beautiful.  so while i will always strive to be 100% me, know that i find so much joy in learning from all of your insights, styles, perspectives, and God given strengths that provide so much more vibrance to my everyday life. 

i always do this.

but why is still a mystery to me.  drives me crazy when i cant figure out the rational behind the reason i do the things i do. for example: right now, i am tired. if i crawled in bed right now, i would fall asleep immediately.  but no. i get on this computer just outside my bedroom door, curl up in this comfortable couch, and blog (or read, but tonight its blog).  it is my believe that some of my best ideas come at these moments of the day (which is perhaps sufficient reasoning).  i blog to document thoughts, sometimes release frustration, and because i enjoy writing to no one in particular at all.  i’ve really been working on my attitude and perspective lately. well, ultimately i pray that the Lord changes both of those things in me, but without getting hyper-spiritual on you i will also say that it has just been a conscious effort.  it really has been miraculous.  just as an example, me and two of my best childhood friends were planning a “girls weekend” recently, and i was really looking forward to spending time with just them.  they are both married, and one lives in lubbock (i know… no comments even needed because i know what your thinking).  well, to try to make the long story short, as soon as we decided to go sans husbands (not hard for me), they started inviting some of their other girlfriends to come. initially, i was kinda bummed and a little errked that not only would we have more than just us, but these were girls i really wasnt close to, and they never asked my opinion on it prior to inviting them. dont get me wrong, i had met them before and thought they were great and had absolutely nothing against them- wonderful girls, but there just wasnt the same friendship connections.  and then i realized how much of a box i had already put myself by thinking that way. what if we have girls weekend and i discover i had a blast with both my old friends, and developed a deeper friendship with these new girls? what was so wrong with that? and so what if i dont? what if i just make up my mind to have a great time and at the very least develope a better understanding of personality differences and how that makes us strong as people and encouragers? so that was what i did, and now im really excited about it.  and you know, i enjoy life a lot more this way.  so if you see me, ask me how im doing with my perspective today and tell me to change one thing. 

 

ps- i am a wee bit ashamed to tell you that i voted for like a solid hour on american idol. redial, redial, redial.  brooke white all the way baby! i know it wont happen, but i love singer/songwriters. 

the death list

uplifting name for a blog, isnt it? let me explain. as i was driving home tonight my mind was wandering and i started thinking about things i would want people to know about me if i were to die.  they really arent juicy things or dark things, but rather a bunch of small things that- when pieced together- made up so much of my happiness, quirks, frusrtations, and uniqueness. so, this list will probably be updated from time to time, but here are some for starters:

- i will always miss the smell of my kindergarden classroom.  i often want to go back just to stand in the room, but i have to conceed that it would freak all the children out.

-queen’s “under pressure” made so many of my runs that much more enjoyable. 

-the underground walkway between west campus garage and the msc was my favorite area on a&m’s campus, and during my first spring there i have a multitude of memories of walking from lot 100 to harrington with ipod in full working mode and me trying not to freeze to death (if you know the campus you know how much of a hike that is at 7 a.m.)

- my real sport love was always soccer, not tennis.

-i love maps. reading them, understanding them, memorizing them……. love ‘em. on long tennis trips i would get out the texas atlas and try to memorize where cities were and how to get the them.  if i remember correctly, there are like 4 lakeview,texas’ up in the lubbock area. weird.

-i would often dream i could fly. let me assure you for those who have never had this dream- nothing is more empowering than flying.

-i loved drilling my mom on artist traveling to and from tennis tournaments.  by all means, she should know every dave matthews song there is. (i was in h.s. at the time)

-i have severe road rage.  but im an awesome driver.

-i actually have had my heart broken… not once, not twice, but three times! (and no i will not be elaborating on this one, so dont ask)

-the first time i saw wicked was what i consider the most magical time in my life (sounds really corny but its true). 

-my songs on my ipod will tell you what i havent been able to say but they are often how i feel. 

-i deeply cherish the old summer rockport days of making up dances with my sisters and cousins, shopping those same old store we had been to a zillion times, crab-n, and trying to prove who would be this years champ of the tickle game and tubing.   it is where my childhood happiness abides. 

-if youre ever at my farm, you have to go out on the pier on a clear winter night.  you will never witness anything more humbling or astounding. 

-i miss my grandpa all the time still.

-for as long as i can remember i have had this crazy obsession with the color red.

-i totally suck at spelling.

-sheets are always the best on a sunday afternoon…. all cold when you body is warm.

-i am a little bit OCD. take, for example, my shaving habits.  i shave everyday.  i like to be thouroughly clean and be able to smell the cleanliness of my skin afterwards.

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