what i wouldnt give

im trying to figure out adulthood. im trying to figure out how my parents made it look so easy. when i was a child, i thought all parents had always had kids. it is just so weird to me to think of how they had a life before kids, and then all of the sudden their live becomes completely consumed by their family- from that time forward. when you’re a kid, your parents are all you’ve ever known, but when you’re a parent you’re kids are still relatively new to you. know what i mean? i think the idea of starting a family is one i struggle with a lot, not because i dont want one because i really really do, but im very aware of the amount of work it takes and how hard it is.  it the first time i think i have been legitimately frightened with something that most people walk into with ease.  and i take it all very, very seriously. i fully intend to get married 1 time, and have the best marriage ever. period. you laugh, but i think you should have some sort of long term goal in marriage (besides just ’staying in it’) and i figured why not? someones got to have it- it might as well be me. you only get 1 life- live it to the full.

so you have some context, this is all coming off the heels of july fourth weekend. i spent most of my time in my favorite corner (or more accurately- island) of the world known as rockport texas with my parents, aunt, uncle, and cousins. we’ve been going down there for as long as i can remember.  i spent the last part of the weekend with old college friends at a wedding.  words can not express how much i miss these guys. i credit a&m with giving me the oppertunity to meet the highest quality individuals in such a concentrated area- and now, we are spread out all over the country and the world.  as happy as it makes my heart to see these people, it is increasingly bittersweet as i know our time is short and the wait between the next meet keeps growing bigger. im halfway afraid life will never be that good again. but then i know it will because i know God has big plans, but i dont see the stage yet so i panic a little.

i know one thing that i really look forward to: grocery shopping with my husband.  i seriously can not wait.  i love doing mundane things with people you like, because you like them so much, they make the mundane things come to life.  im going to be the easiest date in the world…. i can hear it now…”aww honey, you need to get away? well let me take you down to the local target and turn that frown upsdie down…” haha- trailer park, here i come.

i was talking to a friend of mine and we discovered that we are kinda in the same struggle.  this is our first summer as “real” adults with “real” jobs, and we arent so sure we like it that much.  i mean, my “light” at the end of the tunnel is what- a one week vacation? then back to the “grind” for another six months until my next “vacation”? well, not to sound like debby downer, but thats lame. i think im going to find a job i absolutely love so work can not be such a four letter word and i can feel like i am playing everyday. then i can be like, “vacation? aww damn…. i was liking it here!!” yep, thats the life for me.

im not in a rush for any of these things, well maybe the playing at work part, but i just enjoy pondering them from time to time. some people are content with living there life with a period at the end. well, im not. i want an exclimation point.