trust me, im a professional (a really non traditional approach to wedding preperation)

thats the name of my book, in case you were wondering.  coming in 2023. get excited people.

normal random thoughts

hi =)

so, my eyesight is getting worse and i’m admitting it. its been noticable the last three months or so. everytime i go to read something i a.) can’t focus as well and b.) think , “where in the world are my glasses?!  i NEED my glasses!!” *sigh*. thus is aging, or so they say.

in other news, check this little guy out:

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dont know how thats going to work on this page (i’m simply not THAT much of a tech geek) but its my nike mini running buddy.  when i run it tells me how far and how fast i went and keeps a log of everything on my webpage there.  kinda swift.  we arent totally friends yet because her calibration of my stride is off which makes her believe i run a lot slower than i do (and thus not as far), but i’ll wip her into shape here soon.  either way, i started it right at the beginning of the year and thought it would be fun to keep up with this year (especially if i have a gadet that keeps up with it for me).  i wish it had a way to keep up with other cardio activities as well (like elliptical, rowing, biking, etc) since i’m currently on a major crosstraining schedule, but this will have to do for now.

the new year has already been a busy one for me, as i am trying very hard to change a lot of things going on – largely in my daily life.  doing this post-college and with a full time job is tough, but i am determined to make.it.happen. make something happen. make anything happen. but reality is something has to change or six months from now you will say “ah, theres that girl veronica who i use to be friends with, but she recently went crazy.”….. and i would just hate to be that girl. 

i could use some warm weather again.  i mean, c’mon. its january and i live in texas- i can want that, right?

must go. hope your 2009 is shaping into what you wated it to be.

how would you like your riches?

so i have been really reflective lately, which usually is the reason i feel compelled to write anyways, but i just feel this nagging in my core or my soul or you know- something equally deep and meaningful like that- and it has been there for about a year or so now and it is begging to be put down in physical form it seems (it settled on virtual form though), so here we go….

when i first say riches what comes to mind? well, initially, money of course.  money is an issue for everyone on the planet: you dont have enough, you arent making enough, how do you spend it wisely, if you have too much how do you give it, this people group dont have any, will i have enough, why does the government take so much…. you get the idea.

but riches is so far beyond money. it is in our relationships, in our kindness the kindness bestowed upon us by others, it is in the joy of good news, the peace in our hearts even after a great loss, and it is the rest our souls receive even when all around us has seemingly gone crazy. it is in the little things, and it is in the things our gracious heavenly Father provides for us freely. FREELY! and ironically enough, most of the things i mentioned above are things you cannot buy with any currency in the world.  our society might experience temporary happiness, but they will always lack true joy when chasing after a dollar. i like the saying, “no one ever lay on their death bed wishing they had spent more time at the office.” so true.  not even the richest (monetarily speaking) man in the world takes a single dollar with him when he goes.  i find it very sombering to remember that Jesus calls money “the root of all evil”.  not some evil, all evil.  big words coming from the most important guy to ever walk the planet. 

so, i ask you as i have had to ask myself lately: in what manner would you like your riches?  even knowing all of the above it has admittedly been a struggle, but it is something i hope i never lose perspective of.

i want to write a book

yep. i do. problem is, its not a well formed idea yet, i have no formal writing experience, amd it has seriously made me question how talented of a writer i really am.  i mean really…the honest version is that my wit only goes so far. i have no lines drawn in the sand for when something is lighthearted and when i get too heavy, too personal, too…. blunt, sometimes? probably. lets just say i have never been accused of putting things “too nicely”, thats for sure. but im honest. or i try to be. and i have really, really talented friends who i think could contribute handily (and they, of course, would be monetarily rewarded for their contributions). anyways, its on the back burner, but i think it would be an interesting and very right brained activity to accomplish. 

fall is in full swing. i wore a scarf today for the first time. i LOVE scarfs. i sat back with my girls and had a glass of wine and chatted…. while wearing my scarf… and boots. i had my cowgirl boots on. they are pretty rad also. so scarfs, boots, and some of your best friends conversing over a glass of wine… its like a little sliver of heaven. oh, AND a football game was on in the background. now if i could just find a good lookin man that adored me….. mmm mmm mmm…..

this is the album i’ve basically been obsessed with all year. this chick is ridiculously talented. i feel like she took what my heart often says, put it on paper, then sang the hell out of it. very raw and very witty… her live show does not dissapoint. anyways, in my personal rankings this accompilation of music takes “album of the decade” awards from me.  thats a big statement…. especially when you have bands like coldplay making stuff like the “X&Y album”.

im tired. i realize this posting was random. i just wanted to write something. everything i’ve written recently has felt either political, relational, of life struggle related. i just wanted to share daily life today. but please, be american and go vote. regardless of whether or not you completely agree with certain candidates, people have died for us to have that freedom. lets honor them by treating it as the priveledge it is. thats all i have to say about that =). goodnight

the world i know

the world i know has been challenged on just about every level i can think of. emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically, even geographically.  and while today was marked with a geographical shift, i couldnt help but feel my soul shift a little with all that has- and is currently- happening. how appropriate for ike to strike.  in a way, i feel like ‘ike’ has been churning my soul for some time now. not just to me, but to you to.  i cant help but see it written on the faces of so many of my dearest friends and family. my conversations and non-verbal communication confirms that feeling.  our weakest points exposed. some of our belongings lost. our memories tossed liked ragdolls upon the roaring waves and displayed like a circus on the local media outlet.  but the strangest thing has happened. i am being washed, and i know it. after storms comes restoration.  rebuilding. a solid foundation. i feel like even though my pain is so real, so raw, so honest, my savior is sitting close enough to catch the tears that roll down my cheek. He in the air that brushes my cheeks on my evening runs.  hes the passenger in my car as im driving. hes the most graceful balance of discipling father and comforting friend.  and i understand. it hurts, but i understand. and i know- without a doubt- that i will see from the mountain top again. and i really believe you will too.

since my words are not as eloquent as i would like them to be, here is the lyrics to a song i just found which-not coincidentally- fits perfectly.

“awaken me from my sleep and open up my weary eyes.

move me from my complacency and brinf my soul back to life.

wont you take this heart and mind and help me to believe?

its in the the fire that ignites my bones

its in the water that brings life to my soul

its in the blood that washes me clean

consume my wondering thoughts and renew my mind

remake, and  recreate and interrupt my life

wont you breathe your breath on me and help me to believe?

wont you help me to believe?

wont you help me to believe?…”

God: still bigger than ______

today was one of those days where im going to write and you’re probably either a.) not going to read or b.) skim through the blog because you dont really connect with it at this moment. and thats okay.  i admittedly do it all the time when i vibe a “God rant” coming on from my friends posts. please dont misunderstand me, i have nothing what-so-ever against raving about God, its just that usually such pieces are brought about because of a recent spiritual high for the individual, or something similar. with that said, it is often hard for the viewer (or reader) to “go there” in an equal capacity as the writer experienced it… at least in that moment. unless the writer is really eloquent and well spoken. then he or she should quit blogging and become an author. totally different subject matter there……

ANYWAYS.

i just want to share what the Lord reminded me of today. simple & profound: God is big. He is bigger than my problem, bigger than my dissapointment, bigger than my worries, bigger than my doubt, and bigger than my fear.  He knows the number of hairs on my head! the really annoying bird outside my window right now at 11:15 pm? yeah, He knows about that bird, and He cares for it…. does He not care more for you and i? i challenge you today to think of one way you have “boxed” the almight God in your head, and really try to put that issue into His hands- for good. you might have to wake up and do the same thing the next morning, but are His hands not more trustworthy than our very own? does He not know better for us than what we know/ want for ourselves? it might be something huge…. well, i think sometimes we have not because we ask not.  if you are anything like me, you ask not because really deep down, you doubt God is ever going to show up in a big way for you. i think sometimes i rather never ask than ask and get dissapointed and bitter with the outcome. at least that way, i cant get upset if i dont get it. how foolish of me. He is sufficent.

“in this world you will have trouble, but TAKE HEART! i have OVERCOME the world!” -Jesus

jeeze

what is with today? seriously, i dont know if i could be more dissapointed pre-children in my life (i say that because everyone seems to start getting dissapointed whenever they have kids to be dissapointed in…).  i will spare you the early part of the day b/c that will come in its own time, but seriously- how do the shoes i currently have on my feet go UP in price as time goes on??? arent older models suppose to get cheaper? i bought these shoes for about 65 bucks… now i cant find them for under 80 (these are running shoes, mind you, so i dont skimp on running shoes). WTF mate, wtf. can a frugile american citizen just catch a break for heavens sake.

summer

i have struggled epicly this summer. it was my first summer with a full time job. you might think thats lame and say, “well, get over it…. and welcome to the real world” but wow. it was very, very difficult for me. and i tried so hard to tell myself that teaching wouldnt be so bad if i would just give it a shot. but im not a teacher, and i just cant sell out like that.  i know i would hate it. it felt like everyone else was out having fun while i was stuck indoors, in my office.  and it was painful. and i was jealous of every teacher or student who ever lived. 

im a little better now. partly because i can see everyone gearing up for the working season, partly because its nearly football season, and partly because i have a killer line-up of awesome fall activities ahead of me.  i have one word of advice for anyone who reads this: work should never be a four letter word. we were born with passions- pursue them. dont go through live trying to skate around death safely. skid right on in there crashing the trash cans at the bottom of the hill and scream “what a hell of a ride!!” as you skid in.

“… I have come that they may have life, and have it to the fullest…” -Jesus

reflect

the older i get, the more true it becomes that life is nothing like you think its going to be.

 

thats all for today.

what i wouldnt give

im trying to figure out adulthood. im trying to figure out how my parents made it look so easy. when i was a child, i thought all parents had always had kids. it is just so weird to me to think of how they had a life before kids, and then all of the sudden their live becomes completely consumed by their family- from that time forward. when you’re a kid, your parents are all you’ve ever known, but when you’re a parent you’re kids are still relatively new to you. know what i mean? i think the idea of starting a family is one i struggle with a lot, not because i dont want one because i really really do, but im very aware of the amount of work it takes and how hard it is.  it the first time i think i have been legitimately frightened with something that most people walk into with ease.  and i take it all very, very seriously. i fully intend to get married 1 time, and have the best marriage ever. period. you laugh, but i think you should have some sort of long term goal in marriage (besides just ’staying in it’) and i figured why not? someones got to have it- it might as well be me. you only get 1 life- live it to the full.

so you have some context, this is all coming off the heels of july fourth weekend. i spent most of my time in my favorite corner (or more accurately- island) of the world known as rockport texas with my parents, aunt, uncle, and cousins. we’ve been going down there for as long as i can remember.  i spent the last part of the weekend with old college friends at a wedding.  words can not express how much i miss these guys. i credit a&m with giving me the oppertunity to meet the highest quality individuals in such a concentrated area- and now, we are spread out all over the country and the world.  as happy as it makes my heart to see these people, it is increasingly bittersweet as i know our time is short and the wait between the next meet keeps growing bigger. im halfway afraid life will never be that good again. but then i know it will because i know God has big plans, but i dont see the stage yet so i panic a little.

i know one thing that i really look forward to: grocery shopping with my husband.  i seriously can not wait.  i love doing mundane things with people you like, because you like them so much, they make the mundane things come to life.  im going to be the easiest date in the world…. i can hear it now…”aww honey, you need to get away? well let me take you down to the local target and turn that frown upsdie down…” haha- trailer park, here i come.

i was talking to a friend of mine and we discovered that we are kinda in the same struggle.  this is our first summer as “real” adults with “real” jobs, and we arent so sure we like it that much.  i mean, my “light” at the end of the tunnel is what- a one week vacation? then back to the “grind” for another six months until my next “vacation”? well, not to sound like debby downer, but thats lame. i think im going to find a job i absolutely love so work can not be such a four letter word and i can feel like i am playing everyday. then i can be like, “vacation? aww damn…. i was liking it here!!” yep, thats the life for me.

im not in a rush for any of these things, well maybe the playing at work part, but i just enjoy pondering them from time to time. some people are content with living there life with a period at the end. well, im not. i want an exclimation point.